How To Accurately Label Your Pets, PSA

Have you ever been frightened by an animal whose identity is unclear? Confronted by a strange beast in the morning that may or may not be a flesh eating dragon? How do you know? The most effective resolution is to ensure all non-humans are appropriately labeled. These videos were part of the short-lived public service program "How To Accurately Label Your Pets." For example, as you can see from the label, the animal in these videos is a cat. What a relief!

Step 1: Create a label. It is especially helpful if the label has some sort of directional indication system (e.g., an arrow) so as to avoid confusion.
Step 2: Afix the label to the correct animal (please refer to chapter 4.37 of the Label Guidebook regarding matching animals with names). Note that this may be harder than you anticipate, especially if said animal has experienced many previous labelings.
Step 3: Voila! You now have an accurately labeled pet. Watch carefully for any hints of shapeshifting (see Example II, below).
(Step 4: Re-afix label to animal.)

Example I:



Example II:



Easy as pie.

Happy birfday

This is my present to you, sir:
...It gets a bit boring after about 1:25.

tall stretchy cat

Back when the windows were open, the cats liked to sniff at the big world outside...

sad & wet

I had to wash parts of Learned Claw the other day due to a litterbox mishap. This displeased him.

cat spaceship

The cats do not use a normal litterbox. No no. Instead, they use the most amazing contraption ever invented in the history of cat ownership (besides the first litterbox, I suppose): The Litter Robot. The best part is that they look like they're about to blast off out of the kitchen and into space when they're using it. ...which is, let's face it, how one feels sometimes when doing one's duty.

naughty, naughty cat

I did not put him there.

I *KNEW* it!

Learned Claw is my morning friend

I cannot BELIEVE I haven't posted these

a huge backlog

I have a huge backlog of kittenheads paraphernalia to get through. But first, a recounting of my morning so far:

• Wake up with Erik the Red AND Learned Claw sleeping on me.
• Dress in skirt, nice top, and rainboots--I'm going to the Philharmonic tonight with Former Roommate!
• Eat sausages for breakfast.
• Putter around apartment.
• Notice out of corner of eye Learned Claw scratching rather ferociously around the litter box.
• Pungent smell of poo juice.
• Realize the reason for the obsessive scratching. Simultaneously resign self to changing into ratty tshirt to wash the hind end and all paws of said poo-juice covered cat.

As I write, we are still forgiving each other for the wetness and the hissing:

a gift for Learned Claw

After a prolonged and hard-won battle, Erik has gently placed the toy in Learned Claw's foodbowl. How magnanimous.

Erik, he purrs

...because Lord knows we don't have enough of Erik the Red purring like a maniac.

Erik attacks the sheets II

This time fortified with Learned Claw!

Erik attacks the sheets I

hot off the presses

Turns out Learned Claw is not only shy of people, but also of iCameras.

fact: cats need warmth

This would explain why I have woken up for the past week with cats either sleeping on or near me. The above photo is from yesterday, when I awoke with Erik on my back.

cat therapy

I am never home these days, so when I am—regardless if I've just come back from a run and am stinky or if I'm using the computer, etc.—Erik needs attention, and he NEEDS IT NOW. I'm like crack, apparently. So he came over, laid on my hands (as in the above photo), and began licking me before falling asleep. He makes me so cheery, even when I have so much work I'm about to lose my mind.

good cat bad cat

This sums up a lot of life in my apartment. Thanks, Mumsey.

The embargo ends right now.

a truly momentous occasion

This is the first time they've both been in the cat tree since they were fully grown... and it's not hard to see why: they're too big for them both to remain in there comfortably!

And of course, a fight commenced within about 30 seconds of this photo.