there's a cat in my meat

a very clean cat

In a move that vexes me to no end (and simultaneously ensures I have no clothing free of cat hair), Learned Claw sleeps in my laundry basket.

the bag of magic and wonder

There is a thing in the bag, and that thing is named Erik the Red.

when you want to get away from it all...

Clearly the best place to do so is 10 feet off the ground. Naughty Learned Claw!

back from Europe

I missed even the crazy weird calisthenics that they got up to.

I don't think I've posted this yet...

Merely biding their time before chewing through my computer cord again.

A poem in honor of Kittenheads (not by me, don't worry)

For my Cat Jeoffry

For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.
For is this done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in.
For having done duty and received blessing he begins to consider himself.
For this he performs in ten degrees.
For first he looks upon his fore-paws to see if they are clean.
For secondly he kicks up behind to clear away there.
For thirdly he works it upon stretch with the fore-paws extended.
For fourthly he sharpens his paws by wood.
For fifthly he washes himself.
For Sixthly he rolls upon wash.
For Seventhly he fleas himself, that he may not be interrupted upon the beat.
For Eighthly he rubs himself against a post.
For Ninthly he looks up for his instructions.
For Tenthly he goes in quest of food.
For having consider’d God and himself he will consider his neighbour.
For if he meets another cat he will kiss her in kindness.
For when he takes his prey he plays with it to give it chance.
For one mouse in seven escapes by his dallying.
For when his day’s work is done his business more properly begins.
For he keeps the Lord’s watch in the night against the adversary.
For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical skin and glaring eyes.
For he counteracts the Devil, who is death, by brisking about the life.
For in his morning orisons he loves the sun and the sun loves him.
For he is of the tribe of Tiger.
For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.
For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses.
For he will not do destruction, if he is well-fed, neither will he spit without provocation.
For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he’s a good Cat.
For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.
For every house is incompleat without him and a blessing is lacking in the spirit.
For the Lord commanded Moses concerning the cats at the departure of the Children of Israel from Egypt.
For every family had one cat at least in the bag.
For the English Cats are the best in Europe.
For he is the cleanest in the use of his fore-paws of any quadrupede.
For the dexterity of his defence is an instance of the love of God to him exceedingly.
For he is the quickest to his mark of any creature.
For he is tenacious of his point.
For he is a mixture of gravity and waggery.
For he knows that God is his Saviour.
For there is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest.
For there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion.
For he is of the Lord’s poor and so indeed is he called by benevolence perpetually – Poor Jeoffry! poor Jeoffry! the rat has bit thy throat.
For I bless the name of the Lord Jesus that Jeoffry is better.
For the divine spirit comes about his body to sustain it in compleat cat.
For his tongue is exceeding pure so that it has in purity what it wants in musick.
For he is docile and can learn certain things.
For he can set up with gravity which is patience upon approbation.
For he can fetch and carry, which is patience in employment.
For he can jump over a stick which is patience upon proof positive.
For he can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command.
For he can jump from an eminence into his master’s bosom.
For he can catch the cork and toss it again.
For he is hated by the hypocrite and miser.
For the former is affraid of detection.
For the latter refuses the charge.
For he camels his back to bear the first notion of business.
For he is good to think on, if a man would express himself neatly,
For he made a great figure in Egypt for his signal services.
For he killed the Ichneumon-rat very pernicious by land.
For his ears are so acute that they sting again.
For from this proceeds the passing quickness of his attention.
For by stroaking of him I have found out electricity.
For I perceived God’s light about him both wax and fire.
For the Electrical fire is the spiritual substance, which God sends from heaven to sustain the bodies both of man and beast.
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, though he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadrupede.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the musick.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.

—

Christopher Smart (1722-1771)

Erik the Red in a bag--further documentation

Erik the Red in: Escape from the Bag!




N.B. He put himself in the bag. I was just lucky enough to document it on my cellphone (hence the poor quality and short duration).

Learned Claw aficionados will spot said feline at the end of the second clip.

Cat in a bag

I have a little song I like to sing, and it goes to the tune of "Dick in a Box": I call it "Cat in a Bag." I'll give you one guess as to my inspiration:JUST ONE GUESS, MIND.

Kittenheads = a clowder of cats

According to AskOxford--which is my favorite dictionary website (what, you don't have one?)--the following are collective terms for groups of cats:

animal	group or collective term	notes

cats	clowder
	cluster or clutter
	glaring
cats, wild	destruction
	dowt or dout	also (perhaps erroneously) `dour'

kittens	kindle or kendel	also spelt `kinder'

According to the San Diego Zoo "pounce" is another one for cats. Surprisingly, there's nothing listed under "cats, kittenheads." Odd, that. Do any of my readers have any suggestions for appropriate terms for a pair of kittenheads?


My other favorites from the San Diego Zoo site include:
rattlesnakes: rhumba
alligators: congregation
owls: parliament

Eych!

I heart Learned Claw

How To Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

All of the following is shamelessly pasted from this website.

How to Tell Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

Drawn by Matthew Inman, Founder & Designer of Mingle²

I am currently considering the many ways to kill you

Cat is like: "Fuk. U. Gimmee cat fud."

The saga of Turbo, the amazing one-eyed pirate cat

By the way, the family has a cat named Turbo, which my father found on the side of the road in August of 2003. This was Turbo then:

This was Turbo in the summer of 2004:


Over last Christmas, I took this rather amusing (to my mind) video: Admittedly, for such a cute kitten, he didn't turn out to be the handsomest of cats. But he makes up for it with character. He's a tiny little thing--he must weigh about 8 lbs. or so--but he's got the personality of four larger such animals (or 6 dogs). In a showdown, he would probably best both of my cats (who clock in at around 12 lbs.), he's just that feisty. Also, he chases the dogs. (They deserve it.) But if you pick him up and pet him in a particular way, he'll fall asleep in your arms. Adorable.

A few months ago, my mumsey came home to find Turbo screaming--his eye had been punctured in what we assume was an epic, no-holds barred cat (or perhaps dog) fight. The vet had to remove his eye (poor little guy); at least he's still alive (which is more than can be said for my cat, Buffy, or my brother's cat, Cassidy, both of whom left the house (not together) and never came back within a few months of each other). This Christmas was the first time I'd seen him since his cyclopsisation.

(I have no idea who that weirdo holding the cat is.)

Happy Mew Year