Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Erik the Red

For reasons known only to himself, Erik pooped on the new roommate's bed over the weekend.  Really, Erik, WTF??  He's never done this before, so I don't know what's going on in his tiny pea brain, but I'd kind of like the roomie to stick around and Erik pooping on the bed is NOT HELPFUL!  Old roommate (who has just moved in with her boyfriend) was inspired to write the following in response:

"Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Erik the Red"

when in doubt, make a big stink.
plastic is the world's greatest invention.
no means yes.
love me, love everybody.
speak loudly so everyone can hear you.
behind every curtain is most likely a toy.
life is short. eat everything.
if its not yours -- poop on it.